Inspiration is a fickle mistress, as is Sleep. Yet in Sleep sometimes I find Inspiration, if Sleep is so kind as to allot me a dream. With a landscape stretched out as far as my mind will allow, I am free to travel where I please. Perhaps I find myself with my feet sunken into the sand on Catalina Island. There, I can wander the coast, and up the hills, across the fields, into the kelp forests below, and as much in detail as my mind allows me to remember. The beauty is bright, but fleeting, and my heart aches when I feel I am waking up, entering that half-realm where dreaming and reality tend to blend. The ache and the peace mingle and I yearn to stay asleep.
Here, I admit I am a slave to my own passions.
And because of this, I fantasize and daydream with a kind of wist that comes often to me in a wave of heavy, sudden longing. It dissipates quickly, but the aftertaste of want lingers on my tongue. I think, “I’ll run away. If I find time. And the means. And a solid destination.” And thus, the dream is broken and reality takes hold again with its little reminders of things that make dreams possible in this world; Money, Time, Resolve.
And of those three resources, I am equipped with very little, it seems.
So instead, I write. I write to dream. I write to escape. I write to make the world my own. I write when the world presses upon me and I feel my breath tightening. I write to mold a sanctuary of my own. I write to know the people around me, and every facet of them, exactly who they are. I write for me. I write for you. I write to tell a story, as disjointed, sporadic, and sparse as it may at times be.
I am a writer.
And perhaps an author of many things. A word, a poem, a story, a world. Many worlds, at that. Ambiguity, free verse, and poetry are my tools. And with them I find I can carve a niche for myself in the world. Not the one I’ve created, but the one in which we all live. With Imagination and Inspiration and Sleep as my guides, I can create a life for myself. I can affect. I can impact.
Yet I can only hope to leave a mark.